A Doll House

"Playing House"

Perhaps you've heard or spoken this phrase. Perhaps it's been used to refer to a child's game of pretending to be a mother or father, wife or husband, etc participating in household activities. I've heard it a few times referring to relationships, and a thought occurred to me the other day: Do we ever stop playing House?

Whenever I've played house, there's usually a "Mommy", "Daddy", "Baby", and there could be "Sister", referring to the "Baby"'s sister. Sometimes there would be a "Puppy". I will say my school supported heterosexual relationships, at the time I attended; however, if a male was not interested in playing a female would usually assume the role of Daddy. Occasionally, there was no Daddy. Usually, during the game, Daddy went to work, Mommy did the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, and attending to Baby, Sister, and Puppy. Baby, Sister, and Puppy would place and intentionally create problems for Mommy. Daddy would come home from work, Mommy would make dinner, and put Baby, Sister and Puppy to bed.

This all sounds like a 50s dream. But in reality, how many of our mothers and fathers do this? And how many of us will continue to do some, if not all, of these actions? Some children play House like some children play Hunting or align their sled dogs. Children learn by imitation, and through imitation they learn relationships, roles and skills. Being Mommy and pretending to cook isn't far off what we do in North American and European cultures, though the role will most likely be different in various schools, in various towns or cities, in various parts around the world.

My House experience, looking back on it, is terribly patriarchal and horribly unfair to Mommy who doesn't get to go to work. But in reality, playing Mommy was usually the funnest because there was so much to do. No one really knew how to play "Daddy" because work was so mysterious. And you'd usually end up playing Work away from the rest of the House group. But for me, House wasn't an accurate representation of life. It was just a way to imitate, and practice, the skills that I had been seeing in my own home. I rarely went to my father's work, and when I did, I would often sneak around his office than watch him work. My mother also had full-time office work, but on weekends, or if she stayed home because I was sick, I would often see her in "Mommy"-like action. My mother would cook and clean, go grocery shopping, play with my sister and I, visit her brothers and sisters, and help provide for our family. Back then, I took for granted what  my mother would do on a regular basis. But now I see she's a bit of a superhero!

But homes are changing and there is no shame in expecting to share more responsibilities between partners. But despite the titles of Mommy and Daddy, the functions of the roles in the game House are still relevant. We never stop playing house because we will always be practising, imitating, and reinventing ways to do things. Even though we may be cooking on a real stove, we will always be imitating our parents or that chef on T.V, or maybe our partner. We probably won't have the perfect 50s household that appeared in commercials or magazine ads, but the activities we do in House translate to when we have our own House and play for real.