Where am i?

I'm sorry.
I know those words don't mean much now,
But I've had them inside for so long
They have to come out.
And I don't care if you throw them away
Or save them and keep them close to you for a rainy day,
I don't care if they mean nothing to you
Because they mean something to me.

I'm dumb.
I had a chance to learn
to grow and understand the tears and burns
in my now thicker skin.
But instead I turned around
And found
that it was more fun at the time to rechurn
all the shit that passed before.

I'm lost.
I don't know what to do
Feeling so confused
and used
and untrue
to myself and everybody else
thinking we were cool
when I should have had the courage to admit we were fools.

I'm ______.
I can tell you about my mistakes
And the time I've taken
to put on the brakes
to heal from them (next to none).
But I'd rather tell you nothing.
I'd rather say "Hey" passing down Gateway
than ever sink back into the hole.

I'm here.
I don't know what's next
Or what will be your last text,
Or if what we had was the best
and we'll never get it back.
I know the past, I feel the present
I know I'm piecing together fragments
just to be here. Now.