GREAT Expectations

"Sweep my off my feet!" says she,

"I dream of racing moonbeams,
of sailing along a silent sea,
of drinking from coconuts b'neath a palm tree;
with you, and only you,
holding my hand,
stroking my hair,
taking in the tropical air.

"I see us running
laughing,
playing,
making sweeter love than birds and bees;
I see us getting lost in cobbled streets
of our love in Paris.

"Why do you not reach beyond the stars,
Past the present to never ending bliss?
Why can't you care for me
more than a dove cares for its mate?
Why aren't you more passionate
than a wolf as he romances the moon?
O, why don't you love me
like Romeo loved Juliet?"

"I'm sorry, " says he,
his eyes sparkling in emerald green
"But I think your patriarchal notions of what should be
are ridiculously obscene."

For Coy

I'm fuming,
like a volcano, stewing;
these stories stir the pot
and the hot broth splashes
on to our mouldy kitchen floor.

Why can't you let us be us
And collectively
we can come to understand
it's not 'her' and 'he'
it's 'us' and 'me'.

A fluffy skirt doesn't mark a fairy,
Or a fruit,
Or a fag.
It marks an individual
so original
I hope they scare you right out of your pants.

And into a dress.

Happy International Women's Day!!!!

Welcome to International Women's Day!

Here's a recent conversation I had with a very good friend of mine

A: Oh! Today is International Women's Day!
M: Oh cool. When is International Men's Day?
A: It's been International Men's Day for the past... I don't know how many years. Let us have our one freakin' day!

True, it seems a little strange to be celebrating International Women's Day when we don't have an International Men's Day. It makes me think that there really is no push for equality. Why don't we have an International Men's Day following IWD? Besides, I have a hard time believing that the countries, the people that should be celebrating IWD actually do. I doubt that women who are oppressed have a completed day of freedom today and will go back to their regular lives tomorrow. Maybe they do. But what is the goal of today? Is it to celebrate being a women here and all over the world? Is it to educate ourselves and other women of all races, ages, and religions about the hardships that are endured? Is it to look to the future and hope that the suffragettes haven't sacrificed in vain?

To me, today is a day to be thankful for what I have because of what women before me have gained and taught me. I have the right to get on a plane and go to a different country unescorted. I have the right to wear  shorts and not be penalized for it. I have the right to paint my fingernails. I have the right to talk to men in public, un-chaperoned. I have been taught to stand up for myself and what I believe in. I have been taught that I am a strong and independent person. I have been taught to love and care for people, not matter what their gender or sexual preference is. I have been taught that everyone has a value, and it is a shame to diminish that value.

In lieu of all of this...

Thanks Mom!

read the comments ppl!

I came across this article on my Facebook today:

http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/01/i-lost-a-job-for-calling-out-the-companys-rape-apology/

Dan Solomon writes an interesting article. He explains how he was fired for expressing his personal views on his blog. Claire St. Amant, who writes for CultureMap questioned the accountability of a rape victim because she was underage, and sometimes young people lie about what happens in their lives. In her article, she says that a medical exam was done and the girl showed signs of trauma, which indicates rape, but she questions the credibility of the situation. There were two people in the truck, and only those two people know what really happened.

Dan gets upset, responds in his own way, and is told his employers are very unhappy and they cannot work with him anymore. Dan argues that treating the victim like a liar is not acceptable.

BUT!!!!!!
I love reading the comments on blogs and online articles. Most of the time I skim the article and go straight to the comments. The best part about the comments section, is the immediacy that you get from hundreds of people across the globe. I had to trace back to the original article that started this whole thing.

http://dallas.culturemap.com/newsdetail/life-crime-highland-park-baseball-star-charged-with-sexual-assault-rape/


I quickly read the article and went down to the comments section. From Solomon's article, I was expecting a lot of "she's a liar", "i bet she just doesn't want to be called a slut so she made it up", "poor Ryan, he doesn't deserve this", comments that I'm not used to, that I would not be able to understand or agree with readily. The best thing about comments is the fire they ignite when you know you're protected by a screen. What else could be in the comments section that would make me more fired up than I was when I read the article?

Many of the commenters were outraged at the article. Some people referred to Solomon's article about how he was fired. Some people claimed it was a publicity stunt by Amant. All sorts of people were digging into Amant for her horrible journalism in this matter. One comment agreed that there is no way to know exactly what happened in the truck, but that her questioning of the victim's validity was wrong. Another comment was from a prosecutor of sex crimes. They explained that the medical exam for rape does not provide hard evidence against the aggressor. It gives us clues as to what happened, but it is not a "smoking gun".

But then I stumbled upon my gold mine.

Mary • 2 months ago

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the girl's a complete liar. what a cop-out statement. her mother was probably livid at her for coming in so late at night and she claimed rape to get out of trouble? she is literally ruining this kid's life. what 16 year old girl wouldn't be upset after having sex? its a big deal, especially to a young girl, but that's NO reason to claim he forced sexual intercourse on her.

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  Oh No You Didn't  Mary • 2 months ago

  
  

  Oh, you are so right, Mary! Girls after they have sex for the first time are so often distraught and crazy they can't wait to concoct a story accusing an innocent boy of rape. They are probably giggling the whole time they're undergoing their rapes tests and police interviews. All the public outcry and scrutiny is oh so much better than being grounded or getting crusty looks from your parents for coming home late.

And this:

Stay out harms way • 2 months ago

Perplexed that a girl can cry rape after she already in the middle of the act before she panics and decides to 86

And this:

Caring Mom • 2 months ago

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Great article!!! Finally someone is voicing what my heart has been saying all along. I am a mom of boys and girls by the way.

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  Mary  Caring Mom • 2 months ago

  
  

  I am sorry for your daughters.

  
  

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  Roger Canaff  Caring Mom • 2 months ago

  
  

  And you call yourself a 'caring mom?' Ma'am, I prosecuted these cases for years and now train others to do so. What exactly is your point?

I. Love. Comments.
There's something in the moment after you read something online, and the power you have behind the computer that creates this need to respond so strongly. It's incredible!

My personal views are more in line with "Mary" in the 3rd section of comments above. I don't believe doubting victims is the best way to encourage fairness in sexual assault cases, even if they aren't being honest. I was appalled by what I read on Solomon's article, but what made me want to go to the original article was "why". Why does Amant feel the way she does? Why are people supporting her statements? Maybe they feels sorry for this young man, who could have had a fantastic future, but now, being accused of rape, will struggle against it forever. Maybe they knows people who claimed to be victims, but weren't in the end. Maybe they knows someone who is in jail for something they did not do.

In the end, I wound up thinking about how much I love the comments section. Where else can you find such open dialogue? You can't exactly go into a coffee shop and start screaming at an article in a newspaper for being such horrible news. Sometimes I feel like the comments section shows me a bit of that person. In a moment, they are provoked to speak without having to adhere to decorum. They can curse, they can be rude, they can let free their assumptions without being reprimanded.

Have I mentioned how much I like reading the comments?

Man-KIND

Since I've been paying more attention to gender and feminist topics, I've come across many negative comments coming from and aiming at Feminists. It's either, "men have dominated women even before civilization began, and it's time for women to take back the power; to have power OVER men", or, "Feminists are angry; all they want is to kill off all the men; they say they want equality, but all they really want  is to punish men".

Take it from this Feminist: True feminist values lie in equality.

I'm always shocked when I hear people have no idea where feminism came from. It came from a time when women were not allowed to have a public life; they couldn't work, they couldn't speak in public, they couldn't lead, they couldn't vote - heck! They couldn't wear pants! Feminism came from the desire for women to be equal to men, never more than that.
No matter what people say, women today are not equal to men. There are women around the world who are beaten, raped, and subjected to a plethora of demeaning acts. Women in some countries still do not have the same rights as men. I am appalled when I hear that some women are not allowed to learn their alphabet.

However, I have also noticed this: very few feminists speak about men. Men are held to similar high standards that women are. They have been taught not to show emotion, that being a homosexual is a crime or disgusting (where women are encouraged because it's "hot"), and they are expected to be the head of the household. Men are judged just as harshly as women are, though probably not in the same ways.
I don't pity one gender over the other; I pity both. How have we come to such an extraordinary state where we expect so many broad character traits from so many individual people, with different ways and walks of life? What is missing?

Kindness.

BRAVE review

My very good friend and I went to see a movie called Brave. It's about a Scottish princess who desires to be her own person, not conforming to traditional princess standards. She rides her horse, explores the nearby forest, climbs great pillars of rocks, and practices archery.

It is an incredibly heart-warming movie with a fantastic message for adults and children alike. Here's what I think:

The main character, Merida, displays courage, curiosity, compassion, fire, and many other admirable qualities. She has heart and gumption, but she also has the impulsivity and the emotional swings of a child. This film captures the coming-of-age of Merida; although the movie only covers two days she gains so much maturity! Merida was one of the best female protagonists I've seen in a long time. *TINY SPOILER ALERT* The most striking comment from her early on in the movie is "I'm not ready", referring to her impending marriage to one of the men from the neighboring clans. It is so great to hear a young girl say she's not ready to get married. I see married couples getting younger and younger, I hear that they have never lived together, never spent quality time together as a couple, don't have the financial means to support themselves (let alone pay for the expenses of their wedding by themselves), and are don't understand what it means to be completely committed to someone (especially when you really, really can't stand what they do sometimes). Merida shows us that it's okay to want to live out our youth, it's okay to not want marriage; it doesn't make us bad people, it just means that we're mature enough to give up a part of ourselves to be with someone else.


This movie shows a young girl voicing her concerns, and her parents struggling with accepting their daughter as the stubborn youth she is. This movie is humorous, thoughtful, and great fun. Any one will be able to connect with this film. Yes she wears a dress, but she rocks it!


Five gigantic stars for this movie! Pixar-Disney did a fantastic job in bringing princess stories into the future. Next up, a homosexual prince?

Freud's Guide to Being a Good Mother Part 1

Welcome to Freud's Guide to Being a Good Mother (Edition 1)!

Before becoming a successful mother to needy, somewhat psychotic children who will never let you go or let you have a moment of peace, you must become a good housewife. Here are some simple steps to get you on your way to being a bored-out-of-her-mind housewife:

1. Do not attempt to achieve a high level of education. This hampers acquiring a husband. Men do not like intelligent women as it castrates them, makes them feel emasculated. Your husband will be able to provide for you financially, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, etcetera; so why carry on with difficult subjects like politics, social sciences, humanities, arts, math, science, when you can educate yourself through your marriage in cooking, cleaning, sewing, community, and child psychology! Forget the world outside your front door! It's far too complicated and aggressive for the meek and mild demeanour of women. If you must carry on through high school or even university or college, God forbid, focus on attracting men with your sense of fashion, your put-togetherness, and your charming femininity.

2. Do not attempt to find or keep a job. Once again, you'll find your husband will be much more appreciative and loving if you abandon any thought of working. Think of it as an early retirement. You've worked hard to get your man, and now that you have you can relax knowing all you have to do is keep your home neat and tidy. If you are looking for a social experience without the pressures of earning money (what a ghastly thought! A woman hoping to earn something for her work besides admiration and love of her husband), look into volunteering with the rest of the community housewives. Perhaps you can help run a cake walk, a bake sale, a community mixer. The possibilities are endless!
NOTE: If you must work, only apply to jobs that suit your femininity and are part-time. A husband does not want a wife that enjoys her job or desires to achieve a higher status in her working environment. Remember: a husband wants a wife that does everything she can to support his masculinity, not dampen it!

3. Find the joy in cleaning and cooking for your husband. This simple act of charity says nothing more than your eternal pledge of love to your husband. Why, darning his socks and ironing his pants means, "I wish you all the best in life, my dearest!" Everything you do is for him, for your marriage, for your future.

4. Don't forget your God! He's a man too, you know! You should always strive to include your love of God in all his glory in your daily life. Perhaps when you're washing dishes, give thanks to your running water, your dishes and your soap.

With these simple steps, your life will become chocablock full of devotion to the men in your life: your God, your husband, and, of course, Sigmund Freud. Remember, you, as a female, do not have the capability to understand and act in the world outside the home as men do. It is in your best interest as a future wife and mother to remain in the home, study up on latest fashion trends, the best pie crusts, and always have his slippers ready when he gets home.

Happy housewife-ing!

Wedding bells are ringing

"Early student marriage is domesticating boys so early they don't have a chance for full intellectual development." (Betty Friedan, Feminine Mystique, pg 181)

While reading The Feminine Mystique, I found the sentence quoted above.
I feel that many people are fearful or somewhat hateful of feminists because of what stereotypically comes with the label. But seeing this quote made me feel hopeful; maybe people will see that feminism has evolved to be inclusive of equality between the genders.

This quote comes from the section of Friedan's book that discusses the impact ambition and education had on young women in the 50s. She explores the idea that women in the 50s stifled their academic futures because they believed that A) men would not like women who wanted a career or would not like to stay at home all day, B) they were afraid of having an uncertain future (unlike forming a stable home), or C) all of the men would be married by the time women had found careers. But Friedan struck me with a lighting bolt when she mentioned that men also felt the same early marriage anxiety. Men also desired a stable home life, especially after World War II, but were also being held back by early marriage.

For me, this recognition of the men's futures suffering due to student marriages is going above and beyond the initial cause of feminism. Not many people think or know of this, but Feminism originated because women desired to be a part of a larger world outside the home; they wanted to speak in public, go to school, begin careers of their own, make a difference in the world. The reason why it's called "feminism" was because women wanted the same rights men had; it was about bringing women's rights up to the same level as men's rights.
Friedan's comment about men's ambition also being hampered by early marriage, similar to women, made me realize that equality is really at the root of feminism; and even more so today! Women around the world do not experience the same level of rights as men, so I believe there is still a need for feminism. Feminism is not about breaking men down to experience the previous oppression of women in years gone-by; feminism is about gender equality. Feminism is about women making decisions, having ambitious goals, and achieving as much as men do. The promotion of women's achievements should continue to happen, but only to show the growth of equality between men and women.

A Doll House

"Playing House"

Perhaps you've heard or spoken this phrase. Perhaps it's been used to refer to a child's game of pretending to be a mother or father, wife or husband, etc participating in household activities. I've heard it a few times referring to relationships, and a thought occurred to me the other day: Do we ever stop playing House?

Whenever I've played house, there's usually a "Mommy", "Daddy", "Baby", and there could be "Sister", referring to the "Baby"'s sister. Sometimes there would be a "Puppy". I will say my school supported heterosexual relationships, at the time I attended; however, if a male was not interested in playing a female would usually assume the role of Daddy. Occasionally, there was no Daddy. Usually, during the game, Daddy went to work, Mommy did the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, and attending to Baby, Sister, and Puppy. Baby, Sister, and Puppy would place and intentionally create problems for Mommy. Daddy would come home from work, Mommy would make dinner, and put Baby, Sister and Puppy to bed.

This all sounds like a 50s dream. But in reality, how many of our mothers and fathers do this? And how many of us will continue to do some, if not all, of these actions? Some children play House like some children play Hunting or align their sled dogs. Children learn by imitation, and through imitation they learn relationships, roles and skills. Being Mommy and pretending to cook isn't far off what we do in North American and European cultures, though the role will most likely be different in various schools, in various towns or cities, in various parts around the world.

My House experience, looking back on it, is terribly patriarchal and horribly unfair to Mommy who doesn't get to go to work. But in reality, playing Mommy was usually the funnest because there was so much to do. No one really knew how to play "Daddy" because work was so mysterious. And you'd usually end up playing Work away from the rest of the House group. But for me, House wasn't an accurate representation of life. It was just a way to imitate, and practice, the skills that I had been seeing in my own home. I rarely went to my father's work, and when I did, I would often sneak around his office than watch him work. My mother also had full-time office work, but on weekends, or if she stayed home because I was sick, I would often see her in "Mommy"-like action. My mother would cook and clean, go grocery shopping, play with my sister and I, visit her brothers and sisters, and help provide for our family. Back then, I took for granted what  my mother would do on a regular basis. But now I see she's a bit of a superhero!

But homes are changing and there is no shame in expecting to share more responsibilities between partners. But despite the titles of Mommy and Daddy, the functions of the roles in the game House are still relevant. We never stop playing house because we will always be practising, imitating, and reinventing ways to do things. Even though we may be cooking on a real stove, we will always be imitating our parents or that chef on T.V, or maybe our partner. We probably won't have the perfect 50s household that appeared in commercials or magazine ads, but the activities we do in House translate to when we have our own House and play for real.

Go Canada Go!

Perhaps you've heard of Jenna Talackova, a BC beauty queen who changed her gender from male to female at the age of 19. She began horomone therapy at age 14 and is currently in the running for the title of Miss Canada.

Although this is a major win for the LGBT community, I can't help but disagree with some of what these pageants represent. The women who participate in these events seem to be ideal women: large breasted, neat, well-kept hair, straight, white teeth, etc. They are philanthropic and usually have goals to better our world. But are the interviews and the televised question-answer a cover for a glorified beauty contest? Isn't that how these pageants start with young children? Some children compete in pageants where they are solely judged on beauty, and later, when they're older, they show off their talents which can range from dancing, acrobatics, singing, etc. But let's have a look at the main events of beauty contests.

In beauty pageants for young ladies, there is an Evening Gown component where ladies dress up in elegant gowns, walk around the stage and illustrate their poise and regal beauty. In some there is a talent portion and/ or a national or themed costume where ladies perform a talent or show off their national representation via costume or a fun themed dress. There is also a swimsuit portion, which consists mostly of fabulously shaped bodies in scanty bikinis. And the interview where contestants illustrate their mental prowess and hopes and dreams for their future and the future of their world.

It seems, with all of the physical display of these fantastically, symmetrical women, that the interview is a bit of a cheap shot by creators of pageants. Everyone wants to raise young ladies who are thoughtful in addition to beautiful, but do we need to endorse large breasts, expensive dresses and fake tans?

Part of the reason why I would like to see Miss Jenna Talackova as Miss Canada is because she represents a change in gender thinking. Although she conforms to society's definition of female beauty, she has effectively challenged and broken down a barrier for the LGBT community. I hope that her involvement in this competition will provide many other transgender individuals with empowerment.

Trans-jailed

I've been slightly addicted to watching Louis Theroux documentaries on YouTube, and I just have to delve into one about the San Quentin prison. It mostly concerns racial segregation and how people of various races find protection within their own race groups in the jail, but I was deeply interested in an inmate who preferred to be known as Deborah.

A woman in a men's prison? Not quite. Deborah is a transgender woman. My mind was blown. A man, living as a woman, in a men's prison? What I found particularly interesting was the "home-life" she spoke of. Deborah said that the men in the prison who have transgendered cell-mates are appreciative of the feminine air of the cell (not to mention any other physical benefits); she says it's similar to coming home to a sweetie at the end of a hard day, like out in the real world. I wonder what would come of placing Deborah in a women's prison, since she considers herself to be a woman. Would she become a top-dog in a women's prison because of her physical capabilites? Or would she blend in? I wonder if there are any qualities that rub off on her while she is in prison with so many other men. Does she engage in fights? Or is she protected by her partner and other transgender women? From the video, it seems like the conversation Louis has with the couple could have taken place on a porch in a cute suburb. I suppose prisoners, being locked inside for most of the day unless it's their 2 hours of yard time, need someone to connect with sometimes.

After seeing Deborah and her partner together, I wonder what a transgender male would be like in a women's prison. Depending on his physical capacity, he might not be very welcome in the prison. In fact, he might be unwelcome due to his sexual orientation. Who knows?

I find it fascinating that people who spend most of their time shuffling around in a cell all day are able to find a connection with someone on a romantic level.

One homosexual couple that Louis interviewed hadn't slept together, yet they remained an item. They say they're geared more towards companionship. Is all this just desperation to find someone to love? Or is it a true, absolute change of heart towards another gender, or transgender?

G is for Gender?

When I think of men vs. women, I always wonder how this division came about and what it really means.

Gender is a construction in an attempt to create order and define different groups of human beings. But how can we possibly define genders with the amount of gender bending going on? What springs to my mind is "transgender". How can you possibly attempt to define someone who has made the transition from one gender to another? How can you define what gender someone is when they feel they don't fit into a category? What if you identify with both? Can you imagine not fitting in because you don't feel your physical attributes contribute to the definition of who you are?

Gender only serves to pit humans against other humans due to their differences. Gender attempts to dictate how you dress, how you rebel, your acceptable careers, your movements, your gestures, your eating habits... You name it. In order to achieve equality, gender will need to disappear. But this means that all sorts of words will also need to disappear. Man, woman, he, she, mother, father, aunt, uncle, daughter, son, grandmother, grandfather, girl, boy, niece, nephew, husband, wife. (You get the idea.)

But how would our societies be able to function without these words that we've been using for so long? Judith Butler says that these gendered words includes all sorts of societal influences which oppress said genders. I agree, but I always come back to the question, How? How would you control the words that come out of 7 billion mouths?

The only thing that we can do in order to amend this "gender mystique" is to include more gendered terms. We need to apply new terms to people who can't be defined by the tradition man/woman terms. Perhaps the road we need to take is not one of extermination of gender terms, but inclusivity.