GREAT Expectations

"Sweep my off my feet!" says she,

"I dream of racing moonbeams,
of sailing along a silent sea,
of drinking from coconuts b'neath a palm tree;
with you, and only you,
holding my hand,
stroking my hair,
taking in the tropical air.

"I see us running
laughing,
playing,
making sweeter love than birds and bees;
I see us getting lost in cobbled streets
of our love in Paris.

"Why do you not reach beyond the stars,
Past the present to never ending bliss?
Why can't you care for me
more than a dove cares for its mate?
Why aren't you more passionate
than a wolf as he romances the moon?
O, why don't you love me
like Romeo loved Juliet?"

"I'm sorry, " says he,
his eyes sparkling in emerald green
"But I think your patriarchal notions of what should be
are ridiculously obscene."

For Coy

I'm fuming,
like a volcano, stewing;
these stories stir the pot
and the hot broth splashes
on to our mouldy kitchen floor.

Why can't you let us be us
And collectively
we can come to understand
it's not 'her' and 'he'
it's 'us' and 'me'.

A fluffy skirt doesn't mark a fairy,
Or a fruit,
Or a fag.
It marks an individual
so original
I hope they scare you right out of your pants.

And into a dress.

I AM *mumblemumblemumble*

I made a recent acquaintance today that made me question why we stand up for things.

This person was an activist. I have heard they are socially and politically aware, which was also demonstrated by the red square being pinned to their shirt in addition to a rainbow Islamic symbol. However, we began to ponder how we would act if one of our elders had slandered another culture by calling them a derogatory title.

I know I have a very privileged upbringing. I have a blog where I can declare my thoughts as a woman; I consider that to be quite privileged considering other places in the world where women don't have access to books let alone the internet. I believe it is my duty as a citizen of this Earth to help correct the wrong-doings. Socially, politically, and environmentally. I believe we all need to do what we can to protect and preserve our way of life and the lives of all other living things surrounding us. To do this, there must be a level of respect. Old dogs can learn new tricks, they just need time.

Maybe I'm being too optimistic, but I've noticed a change in my father, and I think it is my liberal beliefs that are slowly changing him. He may not agree with what I have to say, but he respects me enough to limit any offensive comments that were considered acceptable or cool back in the day. I do not hesitate to ask people to keep their slanderous comments to themselves, even if I know they will continue to use that same language. It is important to me to respect others with whom I share this planet with. It starts with the everyday language we use.

The acquaintance I met today said they would never speak up because, in their culture, it is not appropriate to do so, and you would risk losing face within your community. I understand this, but being a part of a social activist group and then taking no risks for your beliefs at home is almost traitorous to me.

I love my family, and I should like to think they love me to. Part of loving someone is respecting who they are, which includes their beliefs. If you are someone who can walk around in public with a rainbow Islam symbol on your t-shirt, but can't admit to your family that calling someone an offensive name makes you uncomfortable, why are you an activist? Your family is the toughest group of people to face up to; if you can face your family, and gain their support human being to human being, you've got nothing to lose.

If any of my family members asks me if I'm a feminist, I gladly say that I am. I let them have their assumptions and their sly comments because I am comfortable knowing that I am not a bra-burner; I do not believe in females being superior to males; I do not believe in gender inequality. I am who I am. Being a feminist is one part of me. They need to accept that, because I have.

Man-KIND

Since I've been paying more attention to gender and feminist topics, I've come across many negative comments coming from and aiming at Feminists. It's either, "men have dominated women even before civilization began, and it's time for women to take back the power; to have power OVER men", or, "Feminists are angry; all they want is to kill off all the men; they say they want equality, but all they really want  is to punish men".

Take it from this Feminist: True feminist values lie in equality.

I'm always shocked when I hear people have no idea where feminism came from. It came from a time when women were not allowed to have a public life; they couldn't work, they couldn't speak in public, they couldn't lead, they couldn't vote - heck! They couldn't wear pants! Feminism came from the desire for women to be equal to men, never more than that.
No matter what people say, women today are not equal to men. There are women around the world who are beaten, raped, and subjected to a plethora of demeaning acts. Women in some countries still do not have the same rights as men. I am appalled when I hear that some women are not allowed to learn their alphabet.

However, I have also noticed this: very few feminists speak about men. Men are held to similar high standards that women are. They have been taught not to show emotion, that being a homosexual is a crime or disgusting (where women are encouraged because it's "hot"), and they are expected to be the head of the household. Men are judged just as harshly as women are, though probably not in the same ways.
I don't pity one gender over the other; I pity both. How have we come to such an extraordinary state where we expect so many broad character traits from so many individual people, with different ways and walks of life? What is missing?

Kindness.

BRAVE review

My very good friend and I went to see a movie called Brave. It's about a Scottish princess who desires to be her own person, not conforming to traditional princess standards. She rides her horse, explores the nearby forest, climbs great pillars of rocks, and practices archery.

It is an incredibly heart-warming movie with a fantastic message for adults and children alike. Here's what I think:

The main character, Merida, displays courage, curiosity, compassion, fire, and many other admirable qualities. She has heart and gumption, but she also has the impulsivity and the emotional swings of a child. This film captures the coming-of-age of Merida; although the movie only covers two days she gains so much maturity! Merida was one of the best female protagonists I've seen in a long time. *TINY SPOILER ALERT* The most striking comment from her early on in the movie is "I'm not ready", referring to her impending marriage to one of the men from the neighboring clans. It is so great to hear a young girl say she's not ready to get married. I see married couples getting younger and younger, I hear that they have never lived together, never spent quality time together as a couple, don't have the financial means to support themselves (let alone pay for the expenses of their wedding by themselves), and are don't understand what it means to be completely committed to someone (especially when you really, really can't stand what they do sometimes). Merida shows us that it's okay to want to live out our youth, it's okay to not want marriage; it doesn't make us bad people, it just means that we're mature enough to give up a part of ourselves to be with someone else.


This movie shows a young girl voicing her concerns, and her parents struggling with accepting their daughter as the stubborn youth she is. This movie is humorous, thoughtful, and great fun. Any one will be able to connect with this film. Yes she wears a dress, but she rocks it!


Five gigantic stars for this movie! Pixar-Disney did a fantastic job in bringing princess stories into the future. Next up, a homosexual prince?

Freud's Guide to Being a Good Mother Part 1

Welcome to Freud's Guide to Being a Good Mother (Edition 1)!

Before becoming a successful mother to needy, somewhat psychotic children who will never let you go or let you have a moment of peace, you must become a good housewife. Here are some simple steps to get you on your way to being a bored-out-of-her-mind housewife:

1. Do not attempt to achieve a high level of education. This hampers acquiring a husband. Men do not like intelligent women as it castrates them, makes them feel emasculated. Your husband will be able to provide for you financially, emotionally, sexually, psychologically, etcetera; so why carry on with difficult subjects like politics, social sciences, humanities, arts, math, science, when you can educate yourself through your marriage in cooking, cleaning, sewing, community, and child psychology! Forget the world outside your front door! It's far too complicated and aggressive for the meek and mild demeanour of women. If you must carry on through high school or even university or college, God forbid, focus on attracting men with your sense of fashion, your put-togetherness, and your charming femininity.

2. Do not attempt to find or keep a job. Once again, you'll find your husband will be much more appreciative and loving if you abandon any thought of working. Think of it as an early retirement. You've worked hard to get your man, and now that you have you can relax knowing all you have to do is keep your home neat and tidy. If you are looking for a social experience without the pressures of earning money (what a ghastly thought! A woman hoping to earn something for her work besides admiration and love of her husband), look into volunteering with the rest of the community housewives. Perhaps you can help run a cake walk, a bake sale, a community mixer. The possibilities are endless!
NOTE: If you must work, only apply to jobs that suit your femininity and are part-time. A husband does not want a wife that enjoys her job or desires to achieve a higher status in her working environment. Remember: a husband wants a wife that does everything she can to support his masculinity, not dampen it!

3. Find the joy in cleaning and cooking for your husband. This simple act of charity says nothing more than your eternal pledge of love to your husband. Why, darning his socks and ironing his pants means, "I wish you all the best in life, my dearest!" Everything you do is for him, for your marriage, for your future.

4. Don't forget your God! He's a man too, you know! You should always strive to include your love of God in all his glory in your daily life. Perhaps when you're washing dishes, give thanks to your running water, your dishes and your soap.

With these simple steps, your life will become chocablock full of devotion to the men in your life: your God, your husband, and, of course, Sigmund Freud. Remember, you, as a female, do not have the capability to understand and act in the world outside the home as men do. It is in your best interest as a future wife and mother to remain in the home, study up on latest fashion trends, the best pie crusts, and always have his slippers ready when he gets home.

Happy housewife-ing!

Wedding bells are ringing

"Early student marriage is domesticating boys so early they don't have a chance for full intellectual development." (Betty Friedan, Feminine Mystique, pg 181)

While reading The Feminine Mystique, I found the sentence quoted above.
I feel that many people are fearful or somewhat hateful of feminists because of what stereotypically comes with the label. But seeing this quote made me feel hopeful; maybe people will see that feminism has evolved to be inclusive of equality between the genders.

This quote comes from the section of Friedan's book that discusses the impact ambition and education had on young women in the 50s. She explores the idea that women in the 50s stifled their academic futures because they believed that A) men would not like women who wanted a career or would not like to stay at home all day, B) they were afraid of having an uncertain future (unlike forming a stable home), or C) all of the men would be married by the time women had found careers. But Friedan struck me with a lighting bolt when she mentioned that men also felt the same early marriage anxiety. Men also desired a stable home life, especially after World War II, but were also being held back by early marriage.

For me, this recognition of the men's futures suffering due to student marriages is going above and beyond the initial cause of feminism. Not many people think or know of this, but Feminism originated because women desired to be a part of a larger world outside the home; they wanted to speak in public, go to school, begin careers of their own, make a difference in the world. The reason why it's called "feminism" was because women wanted the same rights men had; it was about bringing women's rights up to the same level as men's rights.
Friedan's comment about men's ambition also being hampered by early marriage, similar to women, made me realize that equality is really at the root of feminism; and even more so today! Women around the world do not experience the same level of rights as men, so I believe there is still a need for feminism. Feminism is not about breaking men down to experience the previous oppression of women in years gone-by; feminism is about gender equality. Feminism is about women making decisions, having ambitious goals, and achieving as much as men do. The promotion of women's achievements should continue to happen, but only to show the growth of equality between men and women.

A Doll House

"Playing House"

Perhaps you've heard or spoken this phrase. Perhaps it's been used to refer to a child's game of pretending to be a mother or father, wife or husband, etc participating in household activities. I've heard it a few times referring to relationships, and a thought occurred to me the other day: Do we ever stop playing House?

Whenever I've played house, there's usually a "Mommy", "Daddy", "Baby", and there could be "Sister", referring to the "Baby"'s sister. Sometimes there would be a "Puppy". I will say my school supported heterosexual relationships, at the time I attended; however, if a male was not interested in playing a female would usually assume the role of Daddy. Occasionally, there was no Daddy. Usually, during the game, Daddy went to work, Mommy did the cooking, grocery shopping, cleaning, and attending to Baby, Sister, and Puppy. Baby, Sister, and Puppy would place and intentionally create problems for Mommy. Daddy would come home from work, Mommy would make dinner, and put Baby, Sister and Puppy to bed.

This all sounds like a 50s dream. But in reality, how many of our mothers and fathers do this? And how many of us will continue to do some, if not all, of these actions? Some children play House like some children play Hunting or align their sled dogs. Children learn by imitation, and through imitation they learn relationships, roles and skills. Being Mommy and pretending to cook isn't far off what we do in North American and European cultures, though the role will most likely be different in various schools, in various towns or cities, in various parts around the world.

My House experience, looking back on it, is terribly patriarchal and horribly unfair to Mommy who doesn't get to go to work. But in reality, playing Mommy was usually the funnest because there was so much to do. No one really knew how to play "Daddy" because work was so mysterious. And you'd usually end up playing Work away from the rest of the House group. But for me, House wasn't an accurate representation of life. It was just a way to imitate, and practice, the skills that I had been seeing in my own home. I rarely went to my father's work, and when I did, I would often sneak around his office than watch him work. My mother also had full-time office work, but on weekends, or if she stayed home because I was sick, I would often see her in "Mommy"-like action. My mother would cook and clean, go grocery shopping, play with my sister and I, visit her brothers and sisters, and help provide for our family. Back then, I took for granted what  my mother would do on a regular basis. But now I see she's a bit of a superhero!

But homes are changing and there is no shame in expecting to share more responsibilities between partners. But despite the titles of Mommy and Daddy, the functions of the roles in the game House are still relevant. We never stop playing house because we will always be practising, imitating, and reinventing ways to do things. Even though we may be cooking on a real stove, we will always be imitating our parents or that chef on T.V, or maybe our partner. We probably won't have the perfect 50s household that appeared in commercials or magazine ads, but the activities we do in House translate to when we have our own House and play for real.